


Look at me

by BeeBacellar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:40:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeBacellar/pseuds/BeeBacellar
Summary: Severus survived, but his pain was too great to bear. Harry knew in his heart that would do anything to help the Potions Master... Anything.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 25
Kudos: 90





	1. Ameno dori me

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters belong to JK Rowling and various publishers. I don't gain any profit except the pleasure of writing and giving life to my crazy dreams.  
> MyFirstistheFourth betaed this with a lot of patience and affection. Please read her An Unplanned Lesson and The Courtship of Harry Potter also. They are simply wonderful. Already, thank you for your attention. Enjoy the ride.  
> I'm not a native English speaker  
> I hope you enjoy it.

I'm not a native English speaker, but I hope you enjoy it.

**LOOK AT ME**

**By Bee Bacellar**

Dori me... Interimo adapare... Dori me.

Ameno, ameno

Lantire Lantiremo

Dori me

xxx

My pain ... Renews me ... My pain

Softens softens...

Free. Deliver me

My pain

“Look at me...” Severus Snape's voice echoed, husky and garbled with blood running down his torn throat following Nagini’s bite.

Trembling from head to toe, Harry put his right hand on the pale throat, now covered with red, viscous blood. The liquid was lukewarm in his hand, slowly oozing through his fingers. His grip was not enough to stop the bleeding.

“Look at me.” The order was repeated, more clearly now and Harry could not ignore that voice. He looked at Severus Snape and got lost in the dark orbs. Obsidian eyes flickering in their sockets. Harry was numb.

Snape stared into those green eyes. Harry’s eyes were so very green; like a forest on a sunny day or an emerald freshly polished, like the glare of the Killing Curse… 

Like Lily’s eyes.

Severus could not die without fulfilling their mission.

Severus raised his left hand, his clammy palm covering Potter’s hand on his neck.

Harry moved closer to the pale man, blood smearing everywhere. It was not a spell, but suddenly, silver tendrils drifted out of the eyes, nose, and mouth of Severus Snape. Harry knew they were the man's memories.

He felt the tingle of another’s magic against his skin, as he watched the tendrils move slowly towards him. Snape was seeking permission. It was a strong feeling and Harry immediately accepted. With his consent, the silver threads entered through his own eyes, nostrils, and mouth and Harry saw everything instantly.

Harry saw with frightening clarity the images that flooded his mind as Severus’s memories were given to him.

He saw Dumbledore being treated by Snape because of the curse of Marvolo Gaunt's ring. He saw how Severus fought to keep Dumbledore alive with a mix of powerful spells and potions to heal him, but nothing was enough. He had only managed to delay the effect of the Curse and Dumbledore would live, at most, for one year more.

The vision was nothing compared to the accompanying sensation that devastated Harry at that moment. A primordial part of Harry knew that these were not his feelings. These were the emotions that Snape experienced. There was such pain, sadness, depression, discouragement, and loneliness.

Harry felt love for Dumbledore. Love that was not his. It was the love that Severus felt for the old wizard, a son's love for his father. A love that did not measure consequences. He would do anything that Dumbledore wanted or asked.

Harry saw Snape standing in the middle of a dusty room filled with books. His hands were intertwined with Narcissa Malfoy’s as Bellatrix cackled around them both. With the waving of Bellatrix's wand, golden threads of magic swirled around their joined hands in figure eight, shook their linked arms, and then immediately vanished. Snape was being forced to accomplish the task for Draco if the blonde could not fulfill his duty.

Harry felt the uncertainty and dread Snape carried. Then the unexpected happened, Albus Dumbledore asked Severus to kill him, to save Draco’s soul and stop his death, which they both knew would be slow and painful.

Severus knew that, because of the curse, Albus would suffer long before he died. He would lose control of his magic and body, even his sanity before Death welcomed him into her robe.

Severus fought. Merlin, how he fought. Harry heard the heated dialogue.

_"And my soul, Albus? What about me? "_

_"It's a favor, my boy. It is mercy, not murder. It is a grace._

_"How can you ask that of me? You know what you mean to me ... How can you? "_

_"Your soul Severus will be free of guilt or burden ..."_ Albus approached, placing his wrinkled hands on the dark-haired man's desperate shoulder.

_"I've never met anyone like you. You define the word redemption. You went to great extremes to redeem a mistake made in your youth, when you were still foolish and naive, believing in greatness and glory. You can deny it over and over again, saying that you redeemed yourself out of guilt. But it was not guilting alone Severus. It is love, my boy. Because of your capacity to love and to keep on loving, even when there is no return. That love is greater than anything I've ever seen. A soul like yours, which has been killed for the right reasons, can not be damaged. Not for having mercy on an old man."_

_"No, Albus ... Do not ask it of me, please ..."_ — Harry felt hot, seeing bitter tears falling from Snape’s eyes before suddenly realizing he was crying too.

Albus wiped Severus’s tears away.

_"I beg you, my boy. You call me foolish and senile every day, but I do not wish for you to see it become a reality. Do it for me. Do it because you love me."_

Severus cried, even more, a strangled sound coming from his throat as he nodded briefly, accepting the request of his mentor.

Albus hugged him.

 _"Thank you, Severus. You are and will always be the son that I could not have ... "_ Albus whispered.

_"I can only ask your forgiveness for all the things that I allowed you to suffer for the greater good. For further increasing your suffering, I will die full of regrets. But nothing is worse than knowing that you are in this position today because I did nothing for you when you were younger. "_

_"It's not your fault ..."_ Severus said, his voice choked with tears.

Albus only hugged Severus tighter.

After that, Harry saw another intense fight between Albus and Severus.

_"Harry has to sacrifice his life so that Voldemort can die."_

_"You have raised the boy like a pig for slaughter,"_ Severus yelled to Dumbledore's face.

Harry could feel his anger and the feelings of disgust.

_"You used me. I’ve been your spy, lied for you, risked my life for you. All supposedly to keep Lily’s son alive. Now you tell me that he MUST DIE!"_

Dumbledore was unmoved by Slytherin's fury.

_"Now this is touching, Severus. You care for the boy, anyway?"._

Without a word, Severus raised his wand and called his Patronus. The doe whirled around Albus’s office, and Harry felt the nostalgia, grief, sadness, and emptiness of Snape.

 _"All this time?"_ Albus whispered. A compassionate look stamped on his face.

 _"Always,"_ Severus replied.

With a swirl of his robes, Severus left Dumbledore's office. Uncontrolled magic shaking the paintings hanging in every hall he passed until he reached the dungeons.

Soon Harry was bombarded with other memories. They had an older feel to them as if coming from many years past.

Harry saw a pale boy, thin and smooth with hair as black as coal. The child was lying in the grass with a girl whose red hair was like flames atop her head, her green eyes contrasting to the cream-colored skin.

Harry's heart raced, he realized immediately who the little girl was. Instinctively, he knew she was his mother, Lily.

 _"Your parents are still fighting?"_ She asked the young Snape. The soft voice tinkling like a bell.

 _"Yes, they keep fighting. But it won’t be long now, soon I will be gone to Hogwarts and won’t have to see my father."_ Snape said, the small face drawn in a grimace that was reminiscent of his adult self.

_"Your father does not like magic?"_

_"He does not like anything, Lils."_

The memory faded. Another came.

 _"I do not need your help, you Mudblood!"_ Harry heard Snape screaming at a teenage Lily.

Harry saw all the light disappear from his mother’s green eyes. Harry heard Snape’s thoughts as he repeated in his head ... _'It's for your own sake ... It's for your own sake, Lils.'_

Harry saw the teenage Snape in a dark corner of the dungeons, apparently after the incident. He was sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees, and he was crying. He knew he had lost the only friend he’d ever had in his life, forever.

Abruptly, Harry returned to the present. It felt like being in a car at high speed when the brakes were applied sharply.

Quickly, Snape's face came into focus, then Harry glanced down at his body. There was much more blood now.

Snape was gasping as if he could not get enough air.

Harry felt an insistent twinge in his mind and suddenly he heard Snape's voice inside his head.

_"There is no hope for me... You know what you have to do. Go. And you better win. Impudent brat."_

Then Snape was closing his eyes slowly. Harry felt more tears falling over his face and a tightness in his throat.

Hermione and Ron entered the decrepit room of the Shrieking Shack.

“We have to go now, Harry,” Hermione said frantically.

He hated leaving Snape there, but Harry left. He was determined to win, now more than ever.

To win for the wizarding world, for his lost family, and now, to win for Severus Snape also.

**To be continued...**


	2. Wake up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. Thank you very much for the comments and kudos. It really brightened up my day. If anything is wrong or doesn't make sense, let me know so I can fix it. Thank you for everything. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five years later

**LOOK AT ME**

**By Bee Bacellar**

**Chapter 2**

**Wake up**

So, this is my life

And it can't break me down

Go, I will decide

Who can come in and heal my disease

Burn it in flames

Kill it and maim

Why can't you see that you need to be freed?

***

Harry was sitting in the comfortable chair that he conjured. It was part of his daily ritual. Every day for five years, he went to St. Mungo's to visit Severus Snape.

Yes, Severus survived but was in a magical coma. The mediwizards could not tell if he would wake up someday, or never, but that did not stop Harry from being there every day.

Snape was acquitted of all charges, his reputation restored. He was now considered a quixotic romantic hero. Thousands of fans from around the world sent letters to him. Minerva was responsible for organizing the man's correspondence.

_ "Harry Potter, our new celebrity." _

Snape's voice snarled in Harry’s memory. He laughed. Oh, if the wizard sleeping peacefully under the light green sheets knew... Well, Severus, as he called him now, could not accuse Harry any longer, since he was a celebrity too.

H arry made sure that Severus received his Order of Merlin, First Class, and all the glory and recognition that the all members of the Order received.

Severus received forgiveness for killing Dumbledore in a trial that Harry made sure was conducted fairly.

The wizarding world owed a debt to Harry and he had learned to call in favors when needed, especially for Severus.

Harry crossed his knees, staring at the pale face. Straight black hair was now well maintained and Severus’s skin had a healthy glow. His body was properly cared for and cured of malnutrition. Nagini's venom was completely extracted and the Potions Master's blood was free from contamination.

Harry was surprised when mediwizards discovered that Severus had drunk a monthly potion to inhibit his libido. They said that the amount found in his bloodstream indicated that he had been taking the potion since late adolescence.

Harry wanted to know why.

Harry wanted to know a multitude of things about the man lying before him, appearing to be merely sleeping as his chest rose and fell in steady, deep breaths.

Harry was paying all the costs of Severus’s medical care. It was too expensive, but Harry had discovered that he was wealthier than he could ever have imagined.

Harry was the heir to the assets of both the Potter and Black families, and he received obscene amounts of galleons of grateful wizards. Harry had more money than he could spend in five lifetimes.

Harry knew his friends disapproved of his blind devotion to Severus, but he felt connected to this man as he had never been to anything else in his entire life.

So much has happened over the past five years. So many doubts. So many discoveries.

Harry was dedicated to Ginny for the first two years, drowned in his obsession for normality. The dream seemed so close, within reach of his fingers. He wanted to live in a house with a garden and have three children. But the dream faded as papyrus dipped in vinegar when, one drunken night, Harry surprised himself by fucking none other than Draco Malfoy.

It was amazing. Harry’s body sang as Draco used every way possible to draw unimaginable pleasure from him.

Harry had come to terms with his sexuality.

He found he enjoyed a variety of interesting and intelligent people. The individual's gender did not matter, he was happy with all tribes, colors, and ethnicities.

Of course, growing up had helped Harry in his achievements and sexual exploits. He became adept at bodybuilding and kept the muscles of his body well defined. He had grown a bit taller after the war, though. he would never be tall, still he was considered by many to be a spectacularly gorgeous man and Harry knew how to use that beauty in his favor.

The engagement ended. The picturesque dream seemed unattainable now. However, Ginny was not as bitter as Harry had expected.

Harry has been outspoken with her and she was honest back.

She wanted a career, unlike her mother who only lived for the family, Ginny did not want to have children anytime soon. They realized that they were not what each other needed.

Still, they maintained their friendship.

Harry was godfather to a lovely boy, Hugo Weasley. He was as redheaded as his father and as smart as his mother. The three-year-old was an urchin, fully wired and running twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Harry used to ask his godson where the ‘off button was.

Hugo responded, "My button broke, Uncle Harry."

(***)

Theoretically, there was nothing physically wrong with Severus, which made Harry more concerned. If there was something wrong in the physical realm, it could be repaired. Magic was a sensational thing.

(***)

Harry was walking down Diagon Alley with a firm and determined steps. After so many years, he felt relief when he realized that he was now able to walk freely without being disturbed by several grateful wizards. The attention brought on by his fame had fallen to an acceptable level. Some witches and wizards still stopped to ask for pictures and offer thanks, and Harry was polite enough to give them what they wanted. He never liked being famous, but at twenty-two years old he learned to be well educated.

Things are what they are. He could stay angry with his fame and be outraged by the lack of privacy or even the chance to be normal, or he could simply accept life as it was. He understood the gratitude of the wizarding world but always made it a point to emphasize that he did nothing alone. The victory was not due to a single man.

The victory was because of all who fought and many who died in the pursuit of a just cause.

Harry emerged from Diagon Alley onto the streets of London, the cool air refreshing as it hit his face.

Harry saw the lettering with the name written in light green saying, St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Diseases and Accidents. He entered the building and greeted the receptionist, who knew him well after so many years, before he climbed to the fourth floor and the wing for Magic Damage.

Harry met the healer Hipócretes Smethwick, an old man with a jovial air, in the hall with a smile.

“Hello, Mr. Potter.” The healer straightened his pale green lab coat and put his wand in its holster.

“Hello, sir. Some improvement today?” Harry asked the same question about Severus whenever he saw the healer. It was automatic, even if he never expected a positive response.

Today was different, although.

“Yes.” The healer grinned, showing crooked white teeth.

Harry took a full minute to process information.

“Yes?” Harry asked, stunned.

“Yes, Mr. Potter. Today I went to check Mr. Snape and he has begun reacting. He has moved his hands and made slight movements of his body. The magic EEG showed brain activity and a magic change. That's incredible. A miracle.”

Harry blinked his eyes rapidly, hardly believing what he was hearing.

“Do you think there is hope for him to wake up soon?” Harry's heart was pounding in his chest.

“More than hope Mr. Potter, I'm sure.” The healer replied softly in a fatherly tone.

Harry gave him a dazzling smile in reply.

He entered the hospital room where Severus still lay.

The man looked the same to Harry, sleeping peacefully in his bed with sheets that bore the hospital standard of a wand with crossed bones.

Harry sat in the comfortable chair that he already thought of as his property and stared at the figure lying in bed. Huge black lashes shadowed the pale cheek, stubble-free thanks to shaving charms that the mediwizards did each day, along with the cleaning of the patient.

Severus’s neck now sported a raised pink scar that spread down over his chest like cobwebs. The healers were stunned by the amount of incurable magical scars that man had. There were so many of them on his back, torso, and legs.

Another person may feel disgusted or fear, but Harry could only feel respect when the mediwizards showed him the rosy marks.

Of all the marks and scars on Severus’s body, one was no longer there. The left forearm was now bare, free of any mark or taint and it was the undeniable proof that Voldemort is gone completely.

Harry reached up, scratching at his face he sighed. He needed a shave. Hermione scolded earlier today, wondering if he was about to grow a beard to rival Dumbledore. It was overkill, of course. His beard was only a slight growth up and was neatly trimmed.

For some reason, Harry felt sheepish. He had a habit of talking to Severus during his visits, even if did not get any answers. He still talked and talked, about his life, his accomplishments, his failures, his routine. Today, however, he had nothing to say, nothing at all.

“Come on Severus …” Harry whispered. “You are a strong man, you will come out of this. You're as stubborn as I am, I know that.

Harry reached out wrapping his hand around the pale, slender fingers, now free of potion stains.

The nails were neatly trimmed with healthy cuticles, at least St. Mungo's was worth the amount of money that Harry spent here.

Harry dragged his chair closer to the bed. He was so tired.

His last girlfriend, Katie Bell, jilted him a week earlier. She was an extraordinary person, but Harry did not meet her expectations.

It was never a good idea to date someone who worshiped the image of the Boy Who Lived, instead of valuing simply who Harry was as a human being.

He had plenty of faults, but being seen as the media’s darling, some people objected when he did something other than what they expected. Kathy was one of those people and therefore the relationship was doomed from the start.

Harry glanced up at Severus’s still face before returning his gaze to the pale fingers in his hand. It took a moment for what he had seen to register, but when his brain finally made the connection, his head snapped up suddenly to look closely at his former professor.

Harry's heart skipped two beats, only to resume a moment later beating faster than the wheels of the Hogwarts Express.

A pair of onyx eyes stared at him, but the face was expressionless.

Harry gasped.

“Oh my God! Severus?!” Harry called, thrilled and rising like a rocket from his comfortable chair. The Potions Master's eyes followed every move Harry made.

“Severus, can you hear me?” Harry asked in a voice choked with emotion.

A twitch of Severus’s lips, almost a smile, made Harry look more closely at Severus.

“I have heard you for five years, Potter. My ears work just fine, thank you.” Severus spoke with severe hoarseness.

Harry threw his head back and laughed out loud.

“Oh Merlin, is a miracle!” Harry exclaimed while a runaway tear escaped his green eyes.

“I don’t believe in miracles,” Severus said, his husky voice like melted chocolate. Harry sighed. If Severus's voice, mellifluous and mesmerizing was something admirable before, now it was just perfectly sexy too.

Harry blinked, startled by his inappropriate thoughts. Ever since he had shared Snape’s memories, he had thoughts about the man. At first, he blamed himself, but when he came to terms with his bisexuality, Harry could better understand where the thoughts came from. Severus Snape was a hero. A stingy hero, sarcastic, malicious, and wicked, but he was still a hero, one of the greatest.

“I'll call the mediwizards.” Harry smiled again at Severus.

One beautifully arched dark eyebrow rose at that.

“While incompetent, at least they did a good job,” Severus said. Harry laughed.

“Do not let them hear you talking like that. You never know what they can put in your soup.”

Severus’s gaze went out of focus for a minute. His free hand sliding up to touch the flat stomach. His face scrunched in disgust for a minute before a voracious expression settled on his face.

“Damn Potter, I could eat a hippogriff now! Why are you still here? Go and call the healer” Severus said dryly.

“I’ve missed those growls.” Harry smiled again.

With one last comforting squeeze of the fingers under his hand, Harry let the pale fingers go as he called for the healer responsible for Severus.

Only later did Harry realize that Severus did not let go of his hand, did not yell at him, was not offended, or freaked out by having him sitting at his bedside when he woke up.

_ "... I have heard you for five years…’ _

It seemed that not only did Harry have intimate knowledge of Severus after sharing his memories; it appeared that Severus had gained five years of privileged information about Harry as well.

Harry winced.

It was a lot of personal information. He could only imagine what a Slytherin, the Head of House for so many years even, would possibly do with it all.

In the end, Harry smiled.

Severus protected him for so long, even if often cutting and slicing the boy with words, always knowing how to get under his skin. But Severus protected him.

Harry realized with a heated flush on his cheeks that he did not want to think very much about how he now felt safe with Severus Snape.

No. He did not want to investigate those thoughts very closely.

_ To be continued… _


	3. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoy this chapter. If there is any mistake or inconsistency, let me know so I can fix it. Thank you for caring! Huge kisses!

xxx

I have the best of the best of all time. MyFirstistheFourth. Please read her An Unplanned Lesson and The Courtship of Harry Potter. Enjoy the ride.

I'm not a native English speaker

**LOOK AT ME**

**Chapter 3**

**Captive**

**By Bee Bacellar**

(...)

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

**(...)**

One year had passed since Severus had been released from St. Mungos. He was astonished to see the positivity with which he was received by the wizarding world.

Severus had received several marriage proposals of passionate witches and wizards due to his fame. He was stopped as he walked down Diagon Alley or through Hogsmeade's streets to receive thanks and congratulations on his recovery. His former students came to visit him before he was discharged from the hospital. He was pleased to see that many of his snakes had survived the war and the demon.

Harry visited once every month. Sometimes more. Minerva, Filius, Pomona, and Vector, whenever they could get free from school activities, would call him by Floo to talk.

He could not be angry with them.

He could if he wanted to or was inclined to fall into his old persona, but he would not do such a thing.

Severus felt, however, that he did not know who he was. Guilt gnawed at him constantly. The grief and longing he felt for Albus were huge, throbbing like a gaping wound in his heart.

He bought a cottage in the countryside in Stratford-upon-Avon, the birthplace of Shakespeare. His cottage was far removed from downtown, surrounded by the forest and peace. He had a perfect garden, where he cultivated ingredients for potions along with rare and exotic flowers. There was a small artificial lake full of multicolored koi. Severus could stay for hours sitting in his wicker chair watching the fish dance in the crystal clear water.

The days passed slowly, as he finally took the time to simply walk along feeling the breeze on his face, to listen to the birds singing and the bleating of the sheep nearby. Severus never imagined a life without hurry or being able to live in such a delightfully bucolic setting.

Severus's days boiled down to landscapes of green fields, bales of hay, honey-colored cottages, numerous flowers, and many unique villages, but this perfection simply was not consistent with his personality. The isolation was fine, but the lack of action caught him off guard. He still had his precious potions and they were now his source of financial support. Finally away from the school, he maintained a thriving business. He had all but the most dangerous potions delivered by an owl which maintained his precious privacy.

Only selected people were part of his clientele. It would not make sense for him to accept an absurd amount of customers and not have the time or capacity to meet all demands. Besides, he still needed time to devote to his passion for potions research.

Many people were cursed in the aftermath of the war with incurable wounds inflicted by mad Death Eaters. Most of the suffering caused by spells of darkness had no cure... Yet. Severus felt a moral obligation to help these people.

But overall, despite the gloom that lingered over Severus almost every day, he could not complain or surrender to grief.

Many people would give anything to have the life, respect, and recognition that he had now and Severus Snape knew to be grateful when he should be. He would not spoil the life that he had been granted, even thinking that he did not deserve such blessings as these.

"Oh... Lils." Severus looked at a picture of his childhood friend. She smiled for the photographer (himself) and ran to hide behind a simple Willow at Hogwarts. "He won Lils. Your arrogant brat won." He grinned wistfully as he dropped lowered the picture to caress the forearm free of any brand.

(***)

Severus was walking down the gravel road that led to his cottage. He had apparated as close as possible as his hands were full with his weekly groceries. He could have reduced them if he wanted, but something was comforting about being able to perform a simple household chore himself without magic. It was so different from what he was accustomed to, something as simple as making your purchases.

The magical community in Avon was quiet and not pushy. They knew who he was and respected him, but in no way interfered with his life or activities. Severus was enjoying this more deeply than he could say. Severus's feet crunched as he continued up the road. Six years away from the war was enough for him to have lowered his guard, still, he suddenly felt that something was wrong.

And it was a mistake.

A mistake for which he would pay.

Severus felt the displacement of air as a spell was cast in his direction by an invisible attacker.

As he rolled on the ground in pain, all that Severus could see were his spilled bags with their contents wasted on the gravel. The wine he had bought, a Sottano Cielo Y Tierra Malbec drained quickly, seeping down between the tiny stones. The smell of wine-filled his nostrils seconds before his world went completely dark.

_ How pathetic _ , he thought before passing out,  _ dying because of a stray spell… _

Then all coherent thought disappeared, along with the pain that threatened to break his body in half. At least the relief was welcome.

(***)

But the relief did not last long.

Severus woke up in an unknown dungeon, his arms bound by shackles.

His body was hanging. Only the balls of his feet reached the cold floor of the dungeon. With a fear that went down his spine and lodged in his belly, he was horrified to realize he was as naked as the day he was born. He shivered with cold and apprehension.

He looked around trying to think of something, anything that would get him free and away from this place. He tried to Apparate, but the place was shielded with anti-apparition spells. He swallowed down the bile rising from his empty stomach.

More than an hour later he heard footsteps echoing outside of the iron gate sealing the dungeon where he was.

Then the door opened, the hinges grating with an ominous sound. Severus did not allow himself to react, his face remaining impassive at the sight before him.

A man with blue eyes and blondish hair entered the room. He was strong, his musculature well displayed in muggle clothes. Severus had expected many things. A Death Eater who felt personally betrayed by him certainly, but not a Muggle.

"Hello Professor Snape." The man spoke in a low voice that was deceptively polite.

Severus narrowed his eyes to slits but made no answer.

The word 'professor' led him to think that perhaps the man was a former student. God knows that many of them would be more than willing to extract Severus's skin when still alive or turn his internal organs into potion ingredients.

"Do you not recognize me…?" The man asked in the same low and polite tone. Severus raised an eyebrow. It would not be good to show fear now.

"You also should not have spared a thought to my brother. He was so tiny, had so much life ahead and you killed him... You killed him…" the man began to babble.

Severus could be accused of all the sins of the world, but never had he touched any of his students with violence, much less killed one of them.

"Are you crazy? I have never killed a student of mine. Not for lack of will, of course." Severus replied. Sarcasm dripped from every word. "Where am I?"

The man laughed dully. "In the last place you want to be now or ever, I assure you."

The threat was made so casually yet with such terrifying certainty that Severus's throat closed tightened.

_ 'Calm down... You will not do well to show fear... _ ' Severus thought as he swallowed hard.

"Who are you?" Severus asked his low tone a menacing purr.

The man walked to the nearest damp wall and leaned against it. His pale blue eyes stared at Severus's onyx ones.

"He was a good boy, you know, annoying at times, but a good boy. He was attentive, loyal, affectionate. He had all his life ahead and because of you the chance to live it was taken from him. He died during the final battle."

Severus shivered again.

"What are you babbling about? I-didn't-kill-any-student!"

"You killed Dennis!" The man spoke harshly.

“Who is Dennis?" Severus asked. His arms were numb from the uncomfortable position. His feet burned due to having to support his weight on his toes for so long, but that was nothing compared to a Cruciatus. Severus searched his mental list of the names of his Slytherins. Such an act of delayed revenge could only be devised by a spiteful snake.

"Dennis Creevey. My little brother." The man replied with a dark, dangerous voice.

"You are completely crazy. I never even saw your brother on the day of the final battle." Severus replied, anger beginning to grow with the continuing lack of answers.

"You saw us. You walked right past us. We asked you for help. Even though you had killed Dumbledore, when you were Headmaster, you never let the Carrows hurt anyone… too much. You always stopped them. Always. The spells were flying all over and I took Dennis down into the dungeons because it was farther from the focus of the battle and there were more places to hide."

"Before we could turn the corner to enter the dungeons, Amico Carrow saw us. He had a fixation on Dennis... He liked to hurt him more than any other Gryffindor. I never left Dennis alone because of it. I called for you as we ran down the stairs to the dungeons. But you simply moved a statue and entered a secret passage. You even looked right at us…" Colin Creevey said hatefully.

"If you had only stopped, if you had helped us, Dennis would be with me now."

Severus gasped. He remembered entering the secret passage, but he did not hear a cry for help from the two boys. He was not listening.

His Dark Mark was burning like the fires of hell and he was desperate to find Potter. He was so focused that he simply did not hear. The sounds of battle, all the screaming, and cursing erupting around the castle at that time had not made it any easier to have heard the boys but that was only an excuse.

"I did not hear you…" Severus whispered, dismayed at his actions anew. If he had heard, he would have helped. By then his spy's disguise did not matter as much as the lives of those innocent children.

"It's a lie!" Colin growled. "You are a fucking bastard, fucking manipulative liar!" Colin, losing his patience, pulled out his wand and shouted,

"Crucio!"

Severus's world erupted in pain. It was a powerful crucio because Colin had every intention of hurting him. Everything burned; under his skin, through each muscle, and inside every bone. His body tensed sharply and he didn't even realize he was screaming.

"Crucio!" Colin spoke again. The curse seemed far worse than last time as Severus's body was now sensitized. His body shook, jerking in his shackles while drool dripped from his mouth and blood flowed from his nose.

"Crucio!" The third Crucio lingered, as Creevey made a point of showing how powerful he was facing a helpless and chained Snape. The shackles hurt Severus's wrists and his arms ached miserably.

"Crucio!"

_ 'I will die here...' _ Severus thought, strangely disconnected from reality, but then the next wave of pain threatened to take his sanity. His powerful scream scratched within the throat marred by scars. He went into convulsions, his eardrums about to explode from overexposure to the curse. If he did not die, then surely he would go mad.

Abruptly the curse was cut off.

"Tsk, tsk... I did not know that Professor Snape, the bully, could cry…" Colin whispered. Snape moaned miserably. He had not noticed the tears that were falling, his face contorted, as it was, in pain. Colin gently brushed away the hair that hid Severus's face. The blonde's lips brushed his ear as he whispered: "This is very touching, Professor, but the tears are useless.

Snape groaned in response.

"What do you want from me?" Severus asked. He was breathless and his voice was hoarse from screaming.

Severus felt with horror the tip of Colin's wand, stroking lightly across his chest, down over his belly to stop at his lower abdomen, dangerously close to his exposed privates. Severus sucked in a sharp breath.

"You have a beautiful body Professor…" Colin whispered. "For a man of your age, you are more than good." Colin's hands touched the scar on Severus's neck. He felt the heated palm on his skin and it took all of his self-control not to cringe and cry in despair.

"I researched your life…" Colin's hand slipped from Severus's neck to the strong chest then down to the stomach and right thigh.

"And I discovered a surprisingly wonderful thing about you," Colin said, a dangerous smile in his voice.

"When I went to St. Mungo's to try to end your pathetic life, I realized it was impossible. Harry was always there, like a ghost, watching you sleep. And at that point, you had been romanticized, had been declared the bravest man of all time."

Colin kissed his chin. He was shorter and stood on tiptoe to reach the jaw of the man still hanging due from the shackles. Severus flinched, twisting his head sharply to the side to get as far from Colin's overly familiar mouth as his bonds would permit. His look of fear was impossible to hide.

"You took the Dark Mark at sixteen... You must have felt like you were dirty, filthy… Impure," Colin purred. "So the first thing you must have done was go looking for a spell, anything to make you feel clean, anything that involved sacrifice. You are of this kind, like a sheep who walks of free will to the holocaust."

"When I saw your medical records at St. Mungo's, it struck me that a man like you, powerful and forbidding, was adept at inhibiting libido potions. I thought nothing of it immediately. I was not thinking much back then. After I got access to your chambers, I managed to find my answers. The last song you had listened to on your magical phonograph was Ameno... It makes sense for you.  _ Ameno dori me. Dori me reo _ . Softens my pain, my king. Their king was Dumbledore... There was a picture of him over your fireplace. There was a different photo on your nightstand. I found your diary, Severus... You thought you would not survive."

Severus was practically panting now, his breaths coming faster as Colin continued.

"How did you feel when you killed someone you loved as a father? How did you feel when you hurt the only friend you had in your pathetic life? How did you feel when you delivered the life of the only woman you loved and her family into the hands of a madman? You killed her too, Professor. You killed Harry's mother, you killed innocent Muggles, and then you killed Albus Dumbledore. It hurt, right? I read your pages about your pitiful life, but I cannot take pity on you nor offer compassion."

"And you know deep down that Dumbledore did not love you. He used you again and again because he knew you were his most valuable pawn. If he loved you as he said, as a father would love a son, he would protect you and never ask the terrible things that he demanded of you. What father asks his son to kill in the name of good? What loving father would ask his son to create potions that cause endless pain for innocents, just to maintain a spy's cover? What loving father, who truly loves his son, asks that son to take his life?"

A strangled sob came out of Severus's mouth. Big tears dripped down his face now contorted with emotion.

"Isn't that ironic, Professor? You continually, year after year, fought for someone who did not care about you. Nobody cares about you. How can you live without love? Your mother did not care about you, did she? Your father beat you. You've had such a hard life, I know, but I still can not feel compassion for you. You do not deserve love or pity. You killed all those innocent people. Because of you Harry grew up without a family, Dumbledore died, and I lost my brother."

"No…" Severus whispered in denial.

Strong hands suddenly gripped Severus's jaw tightly. "No what?"

"I did... I did not hear you…" Severus muttered.

A cold terror spread through the Potions Master. He did not know to what extremes Colin Creevey could go to get his revenge, but Severus knew in his heart that it would not be anything good where he was concerned.

_ To be continued… _


	4. Ritual

****

**LOOK AT ME**

**Chapter 4**

**Ritual**

By BeeBacellar

xxx

Hold up

Hold on

Don't be scared

You'll never change what's been and gone

(...)

"I did not listen... I did not listen to you..." Severus whispered.

"That does not matter now, Professor." The honorific title slipping from Colin's mouth like a caress.

"I will purify you much more than your Ritual Corpus Immaculatus. Did you really think for one measly minute that depriving yourself of physical pleasure would somehow redeem you? I beg to differ, sir. Your body may be pristine, untouched, and pure, but your soul is beyond unclean.

Colin's hands smoothed their way down the trapped body before him until they brushed Severus's inert member, his fingers absently caressing the soft pubic hair.

"Amazing... Your libido-inhibiting potion works well. There is no reaction, not so much as a twitch. No one has ever touched you here, right? You are a beautiful virgin.

"Don't touch me!" Severus barked as he twisted trying in vain to get away from the younger man.

Colin's right hand suddenly grabbed the nape of Severus' neck clutching him tightly as if he were a stray dog.

"Don’t tell me what to do, Professor." Colin gripped the silky black hair tightly pulling Severus's head back sharply. The marked throat is now displayed for the unbalanced youth's assessment. All Severus could see now was the dark ceiling and high walls covered with green slime. Colin pulled his hair so hard that the Potion Master thought that he might be scalped at any moment.

Severus ground his teeth together so that no sound of pain might pass his lips.

"You know, everything I said is true. You are a damnable killer, filthy and unfit to live. Even if there is no longer a Dark Mark here ... " Colin stroked Severus's forearm slowly.

"You will always be an unfair Death Eater, unworthy of love and compassion. Unworthy of your magic, aptitude, and intelligence."

Severus squirmed trying to break free of the grip on his head, but Colin only twisted his fingers more tightly in his long, dark hair.

" _ I know the effects of the curse. Albus will lose control of his body, his mind, and finally his magic, and at that point, he will be in profound agony... I don't want to have to do this, but I do not see an alternative. I don't want him to suffer in any way. If there is any consolation at all, it's the fact that the Killing Curse will be painless...  _ " Colin quoted one of the phrases from Severus's diary.

"Damn you!" Severus roared.

Colin laughed coldly.

"Professor, professor... It was inspiring. This excerpt from your diary was what changed my mind. I wanted to hurt you for such a long time, I wanted to kill you, but then I read this... The Killing Curse is painless. So I asked myself, what good would it do to kill you? I would only free you from the guilt that I know you carry constantly in your heart. Dying is easy Professor. Living is much harder. And living with your sins, ah, that is a nightmare."

Severus's heart was beating so fast in his chest that he could hear the pounding of his pulse in his ears.

"I researched and studied trying to find something suitable for you. I searched tirelessly, on other continents, through many different countries, until I finally found the punishment you deserve. It is a ritual unknown to European wizards."

Colin took a deep breath and let go of Severus's hair with a violent shove. The deranged man went to the back of the dungeon, picking up a thick brown rope and an unconscious ocelot. Colin then added a brush made from the bones of Redcaps.

Returning to his post in front of Severus, Colin deposited his collection on the ground.

The Potions Master's heartbeat was erratic by this point. He knew the dangers of inexperienced wizards performing magical rituals. It was not wise. And rituals of blood and profanity were even more dangerous and deadly especially for those who suffered them.

"Colin, please stop to think properly. This will not be good in the end. Let me go and I swear on my magic that I will not do anything against you or your family."

"Your promises are empty to me, professor. My family is gone. My father had a heart attack when he discovered that Dennis had died in a world that he did not even know. My mother committed suicide six months later. All because you did not hear us. I lost all that I loved Professor... I lost everything because you did not hear us."

Again, every phrase Colin spoke was said with the frightening casualness of someone who was sure of what wanted and was doing everything exactly the way they planned.

Summoning a copper knife, Colin held the unconscious feline's body directly in Severus's line of sight. With a precise cut, he opened the animal vertically down the length of its belly. Blood gushed out immediately, the animal's entrails falling to Severus's feet with a sickening sound.

"This will be your karma, professor. May life deliver to you what you gave to it." Colin spoke in a contemplative voice.

With slow steps, the blonde man came full circle around the bound wizard. The drops of blood spattered the floor until Colin formed a complete circle around Severus.

Still holding the body of the gutted feline, Colin bent to pick up his brush from the floor. Blood dripped onto Severus's feet, staining his pale skin and coloring his feet crimson red.

Colin shoved the brush into the open wound in the small animal's lifeless body.

Severus had seen and done worse in his life, but he felt a strong wave of nausea at that moment. Maybe because he knew that there was nothing and no one to stop the resentful wizard. There was no one to come after him, to rescue him, because Colin was right. Severus was dirty. No one could want him around any longer than necessary.

"Petrificus Totalus," Collin whispered. 

Now there was nothing that Severus could do. He possessed the talent to break Colin's spell, eventually, he could do it, but a part of him, the piece that wanted to punish himself, did not want to fight his punishment. Merlin knows, Severus deserved to suffer.

He should not have been acclaimed. He should have been stoned and then burned on a pyre.

Colin painted the center of Severus's chest with blood. He made two designs of figure eights both vertically and horizontally. The circles that formed the infinity sign crossed exactly in the middle forming cardinal points. Four circles pointed to the north, south, east, and west.

In diagonal points, Colin drew four smaller circles, but these he filled with blood, like an artist painting. There were now circles pointing to the northeast, southeast, northwest, and southwest.

" _ Goobo karma _ " Colin muttered. The circles drawn in the pale skin grew cold immediately beginning to freeze to the point that the skin burned with pain too intense to bear.

Tears pooled in obsidian orbs. There was nothing he could do. There wasn't even the small consolation of trembling from the pain. He could not even move. The tears spilled from his eyes and fell down his motionless cheeks. Oh God, he was weak and useless. He deserved this, the older man convinced himself.

Colin dipped the rope in the blood that had drained on Severus's feet and accumulated in a puddle. Then he wound the wet, bloody rope around Severus's neck like a tie. He made a braid leaving some slack at Severus's throat so that the petrified man did not choke.

_ "Laaca tamarta. Waa qudhmi jirka. Lagu cabudhinayo maanka." _ Colin said.

The rope lit up with an iridescent light, the green glow pulsing like a beating heart. Perhaps that was the magical glow that Severus's heartbeat yielded.

But soon the bright green became a dirty violet as if the magic was sick.

Severus thought he would vomit, even under the effects of the petrifying charm. Pain and dizziness consumed his body like corrosive flames.

The brilliance faded slowly like a fog being overshadowed by sunlight.

"Enjoy my punishment, professor. Remember Dennis, remember Harry's mother and Albus Dumbledore. Remember your guilt and live with it. Only pain will atone for your sins. And I guarantee that your pain will be great, just like your mistakes. My punishment for you will be unimaginable. Grotesque. But you know you deserve it, don't you?

Colin stroked Snape's cheek in a parody of tenderness.

"You deserve all this, Professor. I'm just giving you what you need. Come on... You must be tired now. You are a desirable man, but sleep now and I hope you have wonderful nightmares."

Colin cast a powerful sleeping charm, forcing Severus into a complete blackout.

Severus would only discover the consequences of the Ritual later, and as always, the hard way.

_ To be continued… _


	5. Losing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It will be dark for a while, but I promise romance and a happy ending.

**Look at me**

**Chapter 5**

**Losing**

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core

Where I've become so numb?

Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead it back home

(***)

It was cold. Severus looked around, bewildered. There was a thick fog and the mist clung to his body like a living thing. He was still naked, but could not remember how he came to be in that place. Or even where the place was anyway?

He looked around again trying to orient himself, but the cold clouded his thoughts.

He looked down and saw his pale feet dirty with dark clay. His toes dug into the earth beneath him bringing some sensation to his numb body. He did not know what to do.

Taking a deep breath, Severus smelled forest and petrichor - the wonderful scent of freshly fallen rain in dry soil. He inhaled again, enjoying the comforting aroma.

Severus also smelled the clean fresh scent of wet grass. This time, Severus's keen nose also noticed the smell of blood. He looked down at himself finding an open wound in his chest, a thin line of blood trailing towards his navel. The blood was thick and bright, lit up like a spell.

'Why am I bleeding?'

Severus's right hand touched his chest, his palm covering the wound. He felt that his blood was the only warm thing around and mortal danger surrounded him.

Still standing in the center of a clearing in the middle of a dense forest, Severus looked up. The fog lifted as if by magic, and suddenly everything was clear, illuminated by brilliant sunlight. Thousands of Luna Moths were doing a synchronized dance in the air while flocks of birds took flight.

The largest of the moths flew to Severus. He raised the index finger of his free hand by instinct.

"Why are you here, human?" She asked in a husky female voice.

"I don’t know," Severus said with a frown.

"You're missing what is needed to feel us. Your greatest gift is going along with your blood... She's running away from you, dear. She is going away... "

"Who's leaving?" Severus asked stunned.

The moth flapped her wings slightly but did not fly.

"She has always been inside you, but came from us, nature, earth, sun, water. She was renewed within you every day, such as the cycle of life. But you are sick now and She can no longer be renewed.".

"What the..."

"You know, my child... You know deeply. Every minute, every second, She's going away, abandoning you, returning to the earth and leaving you."

"Why ...?" Severus whispered. He knew the answer within himself, but could not say it even if his life depended on it.

"This you also know...".

Only Severus did not want to remember.

The blood now flowed faster down his chest, oozing through his fingers, but there was no pain.

"Will it be very painful... When She leaves me?" He asked with tears in his eyes, feeling like a helpless child.

"No... it will be as if it never existed."

The moth flew away, joining the others until Severus could no longer distinguish it.

He looked up again, the clearing seemed to be shrinking around him as if the trees meant to choke him. Between the breaks through the thick leaves, he could see the sky, an odd shade of pale yellow and pearly pink.

Strange clouds formed overhead. The butterflies and birds were gone.

Heavy rain began.

He still looked up letting the first drops fall on his face and flow over his body. Lowering his hands, he let the water mix with his blood as if it could wash his dirty soul.

The water became the blood of all those who died because of him.

There was blood on his hands.

Lily's blood, Albus's blood, and Dennis's blood.

_ It's raining blood... It's raining blood... It's raining blood... _

It was dark now and Severus was covered with the viscous carmine liquid.

At first, he did not hear anything but the patter of the raindrops falling onto the foliage, and against his skin. Then suddenly he heard:

"Come on Severus. You are a strong man, you will get out of this. You're as stubborn as I am, I know that... " Potter's voice whispered from somewhere deep in the sweltering forest.

What was he doing here?

"Potter?!" Severus asked turning around, looking in vain through dark stifling forest.

"Hold on, Severus. I will not leave you alone." Potter spoke desperately as if he felt Severus's immeasurable loss.

"This is my destiny, Potter, and it is deserved. No one can escape their destiny. I was living on borrowed time and I know... I feel inside me that my time is running out." Severus explained to empty air around him.

"She left me, Potter," Severus muttered in a sorry tone. "I almost do not feel it now.".

Severus lowered himself to the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. He buried his head in the circle of his arms and inside his makeshift protection, all he could see were pools of blood on the black ground beneath him.

He took a deep breath again, trying not to give in to despair, but the air seemed insufficient.

Suddenly he found himself deprived of sight, his surroundings gone dark, but he could still smell the scent of blood saturating the air. He rocked back and forth obsessively.

Severus opened his mouth wide, trying to breathe in more air, but it was impossible.

His hands covered his head, futilely trying to stop the viscous drops.

He wept in despair. There was no escape now.

An evil laugh echoed in his ears.

"Why do you cry? It is pointless... There is nowhere to run... I wish you wonderful nightmares, Professor. You are a desirable man... Sleep ... sleep... Sleep..." the male and melodious voice rang with false compassion.

"I can not stand it ... I can not stand it..." Severus muttered.

And then he was deprived even of smell and the stench of blood no longer met his sensitive nostrils.

"Severus, fight... Please... Hold on tight and save what you can" Potter's voice sounded distant.

"I will not bear this... Sorry ... Sorry ... But I cannot...".

Then even the sound disappeared, and what air there was escaped his hungry lungs.

Severus's eyes were already closed but he gripped them even more tightly shut.

He felt the blood on his face, fear filling him like water accumulating in a cup. The cup filled and overflowed and then there was nothing.

(***)

Severus was lying on something comfortable, so soft and warm.

He concentrated, but the magic buzz that accompanied him all his life, since before he could recognize himself as a human being, was no longer present.

He despaired, deciding to get out of bed.

There was no ground beneath him and he fell into an endless black void.

Severus woke to feel disoriented, his body strangely sore as though he had been running over by a steamroller.

A moment later, memories returned to him like a tidal wave, relentless and destructive.

He sat up abruptly and was astonished to find he was in his bed, in his room at his cottage in Avon. He blinked like an owl. Was it possible that all of it was just a dream?

Everything, from his imprisonment to the Ritual, even the strange nightmare seemed very realistic. Then he realized he was naked again.

It was not his custom to sleep without clothes. Ever. A cold sweat trickled down between his shoulder blades. He looked down at his chest and gasped. Right in the center of his sternum, a sickle-shaped brand pulsed with a silver-green light. The last small thread of light escaped the borders of the brand. Severus knew what it was and grief-filled his heart at that moment.

She was going completely... There was no pain, only deep anguish, and emptiness left behind.

Looking at his nightstand, he picked up the birch and dragon heartstring wand lying innocently on the small mahogany table, 34 cm thick and as inflexible as its proprietor.

He'd had it since he was 11 and knew exactly what it felt like. The sensation that always ran through his fingers and up to his arm then to his whole body every time he wielded the wand. But this time there was nothing, not even a measly itch.

Trembling, almost dropping the wand from his fingers, he spoke the simple spell learned a lifetime ago.

"Lumos ..." Any light would ignite. Any spark shine.

Severus hyperventilated. He knew that something very wrong was happening, but to have undeniable proof before his eyes were surreal.

"You deserve all this ..." Colin's words jumped in his mind as an ominous warning.

Attempting to maintain control, he forced himself to inhale deeply several times until he was calmed and could breathe normally. He could not be angry at Colin for what the man had done.

He understood the feeling, he knew what it felt like to lose everything in life. It was not an easy thing to deal with. Colin had to blame someone for losses and Severus was the obvious choice, but the black-haired man knew it could have been anyone.

He shuddered at the thought of the blond blaming Harry for simply not having killed the Dark Lord fast enough or Minerva, his Head of House for not paying attention to her lions in danger as she should.

Dressing slowly in black sweatpants and a gray long sleeve shirt, Severus swayed in indecision. He knew he needed to go to St. Mungo's, but he could not seem to care enough to take himself there. Walking slowly with difficulty to the outside of the house, he sat in his wicker chair, looking at the lake full of Koi.

Today the fish seemed strangely discolored as if Severus was seeing the world through a blurry screen.

So day and night passed without Severus being aware of anything around him. He felt no hunger, or the desire to move. He had soiled himself in his pants right where he sat and he stank. But he noticed nothing. Nothing at all. There was nothing to his life any longer. There was only the numbness.

Severus thought it wasn't only his magic that had been torn from him in that damned Ritual. His will to live - that was not so strong, to begin with, had disappeared completely now.

Dawn came and Severus's fingers were stiff from the cold night. His lips were dry and chapped, and his eyes were bloodshot.

Hours passed and Severus did not even notice the sound of Apparition on his property. There were only a few people who had direct access to his cottage, but by then Severus simply did not care who was there.

(***)

Harry was starting to get worried about Severus. He had spent all day trying to contact the man through the Floo. He sent an owl to say he would be visiting the Potions Master, but for the first time since Severus had been released from St. Mungo's, there was no response. Harry had a premonition that something horrible had happened to Severus.

Taking a deep breath to calm down, he forced himself to wait until an acceptable hour for a visit. When 9:00 AM arrived, without preamble he Apparated directly into Severus's gardens.

He looked around briefly enjoying the landscape. The place was really beautiful.

He knew that Severus's favorite chair was always facing the lake. With a sharp sense of relief, he saw the man himself sitting there with a lost look on his face staring at the lake water.

Harry frowned. That was not a normal expression for Severus to be wearing after hearing someone apparating within your property.

Harry thought that he would be met with a paralyzing spell or trapped by one of the many magical safeguards against intruders.

Harry approached the Slytherin quietly, but in plain sight so as not to startle the silent man.

Harry was struck immediately by the smell. Severus always smelled of herbs and spices in a nice blend of sandalwood and musk. The scent was light, fresh, and masculine. There was no hint of Severus's powerful smell now. He stank.

Harry knelt carefully before his old professor.

"Severus?" Harry asked with concern. There was no answer and no reaction. Severus did not even blink.

Harry reached out, resting his hand on Severus's motionless arm only to sense another shock. Harry knew Severus. He spent five years sitting next to him and Harry's magic, as a separate entity, could recognize the dark and warm magic of the other man instantly.

Now there was nothing. There was no spark, the buzz of magic crackling along the skin was absent.

All Harry could determine was that Severus was alive, though was agonizing and desperate.

"Merlin..." Harry moved to grasp both of Severus's hands in his own. His touch prompting the first reaction.

"There's nothing else... There's nothing... There's nothing...". Severus kept repeating in a dead whisper.

Without even thinking, Harry pulled the paralyzed man into his arms and apparated directly to St. Mungos. Something had happened to Severus, something very wrong, and Harry's heart broke with that thought.

_ To be continued... _


End file.
